Intolerable Cruelty (2003) - 10 quotes

Miles Massey: I guess something inside of me died, when I realised that you'd hired a goon to kill me.

Marylin Rexroth: Wait a minute. You hired him to kill me.

Freddy Bender: No. Both of you wait a minute. Nobody hired anyone to kill anyone.

Wrigley: Hear, hear.

Freddy Bender: Apparently, from what I can gather, a burglar broke into your house.

Wrigley: Miles's house.

Freddy Bender: Whatever. A burglar broke in intending to loot the place, uh, repented, became despondent over his lifestyle and shot himself.

Miles Massey: All right, so much for the ice-breakers. What are you after, Freddy?

Freddy Bender: My client is prepared to settle for 50 percent of the marital assets.

Miles Massey: Why only 50, Freddy? Why not a hundred? While we're dreaming, why not 150? Are you familiar with "Kershner"?

Freddy Bender: "Kershner" does not apply.

Miles Massey: Bring this to trial, we'll see if "Kershner" applies.

Rex: What's "Kershner"?

Miles Massey: Please, let me handle this.

Freddy Bender: "Kershner" was in Kentucky.

Miles Massey: "Kershner" was in Kentucky?

Freddy Bender: "Kershner" was in Kentucky.

Miles Massey: All right, Freddy, forget "Kershner". What's your bottom line?

Freddy Bender: Primary residence, 30 percent of remaining assets.

Miles Massey: What, are you nuts? Have you forgotten "Kershner"?

Gus Petch: You want tact, call a tactician. You want an ass nailed, you come see Gus Petch.

Miles Massey: Your husband had told me you were the most beautiful woman he'd ever met. I didn't expect the most beautiful woman I'd ever met.

Marylin Rexroth: I've invested five good years in my marriage to Rex and I've nailed his ass fair and square. Now I'm going to have it stuffed, mounted, and have my lady friends come over and throw darts at it.

Marylin Rexroth: I thought he'd outgrown trains.

Gus Petch: They never grow up, they just get tubby.

Miles Massey: You fascinate me.

Miles Massey: So you propose that in spite of demonstrable infidelity on your part, your unoffending wife should be tossed out on her ear.

Rex: Is it possible?

Miles Massey: It's a challenge.

Freddy Bender: Objection, Your Honor! Strangling the witness.

Judge Marva Munson: I'm going to allow it.

Rex: My wife has me between a rock and a hard place.

Miles Massey: That's her job. You should respect that.