[To two members of the KKK, while pretending to capture Bart.]

Jim: Oh, boys! Lookee what I got heyuh.

Bart: Hey, where the white women at?

Bart: You are my guest, and I am your host. What is your pleasure? What do you like to do?

Jim: I don't know... play chess... screw...

Bart: [quickly] Let's play chess.

Jim: You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know... morons.

[Bart, disguised as a Klansman, describes his qualifications as a villain]

Bart: Stampeding cattle.

Hedley Lamarr: That's not much of a crime.

Bart: Through the Vatican?

Hedley Lamarr: [smiling] Kinkyyyy. Sign here.

Bart: Mornin', ma'am. And isn't it a lovely mornin'?

Elderly woman: Up yours, nigger.

Bart: A man drink like that and he don't eat, he is going to DIE.

Jim: [eagerly] When?

Mexican Bandit: Badges? We don't need no stinking badges.

Bart: Are we awake?

Jim: We're not sure. Are we... black?

Bart: Yes, we are.

Jim: Then we're awake... but we're very puzzled.

Lili Von Shtupp: Is that a ten-gallon hat, or are you just enjoying the show?